Put Yourself Out There

    So, between feeling like an awful friend/selfish for really no reason, plotting who to drag tot eh beach with me so I go at least once this summer, feeling like the stereotypical broke college student, making plans with a friend for next Sunday, and eyeing the frozen margarita in the freezer; a weird topic popped in my head all thanks to available phone backgrounds. I was contemplating to update my phone screen, so, naturally, I went looking on Zedge and somehow has updated a bunch of things involving ‘love is…’ and inserting little drawings and words and all that stuff. It’s adorable, really, but that got me to thinking about something one of my friends has said to me before; you need to put yourself out there.

    What the hell is that to mean?

    I know it might not seem to much fit to that whole ‘love is’ thing, but it does to me in a weird way. But, okay, some background on that thing a friend told me: I had happened to mention how I seem forever single, since it was fitting to the conversation at the time, and this friend piped up and told me I need to put myself out there. I have no idea what he meant, and he got a confused look from me. I never got the elaboration, but…that doesn’t stop me form wondering. One of friends, who happens to be the one who told me this, is rather honest and sweet, if a bit of a flirt, and has told me a few times that I look ‘cute’, as have some girl friends of mine. 

    As soon as I was told that, I started thinking about it and I have been since a long while since, well, I’d like to do the whole love and family thing someday, especially the former, and not have the cat-lady future I am fearing. I’ve only dated so many guys as I can count on one hand without using all my fingers, so clearly I’ve done something right. I’ve also had a couple guys ask me out who I…well I didn’t say no, I jsut never answered because I’m bad with saying no to people; but I didn’t see the attraction with them and didn’t want to waste my time which could be spent on other things. Maybe I’m picky and that’s my problem? Don’t know. 

    All I do know is that, if I happen to like a guy, I might dress up a little more, put some more effort into me morning routine, and my strangely naturally semi-flirty personality really comes out, but when I purposely try to flirt it’s a train-wreck to be perfectly honest. Though that’s besides the point. The point is, I do try, when I like someone…else…eh…don’t’ see the point in wasting time and energy. Perhaps that is what was meant when my friend had said I need to put myself out there, that I need to use more effort daily? That sounds a lot of work, though, which makes me almost decide to just deal with the cat-lady future.

    But, well, I hope. There’s a reason I feel attracted to Europe, maybe whoever is going to be stuck with me is over there someplace? Or maybe near my college? No clue.

    This reminds me of something else vaguely related. In a sociology class of mine, we had to go and write on a timeline where we hope to be at certain ages. I had finishing my master’s somewhere around 28-30, marriage maybe somewhere around 32 (assuming nothing happens before that or after, of course), and children probably not until I’m ‘mid-life’ aka 35. And everyone else had their children and marriage waaay earlier. Everyone else thought it was odd that someone would put children so far down the line when, really, I’m being realistic. My mom didn’t have me until she was 40 and my dad was 34, granted my dad was married twice before and already had a kid with his second wife before he met my mom, but still. I’m being realistic. Even if I meet someone and get married before my guessed age, I’m probably going to put off children until I have a steady job and am settled in my life; I don’t want to have to worry about money and such since, let’s be honest, to be able to support yourself and children, even one, you need money. Especially when college comes along. I simply don’t want to have any possible children I may or may not have to have to worry about what I’ve had to worry about growing up. 

    But what I’m more wondering on is why do people aim to do things so soon? Now, for the women, I guess it makes a hint more sense since that’s the ‘norm’, for women to have children earlier. Granted with women working now, it is slowly changing so that the norm is more what my goal is; family later in life. Even with the change, I was still the odd man out and it didn’t stop people form questioning the why. They all seemed to think that children and a significant other would be easily done early in life, that going to school while having that wouldn’t be too difficult, or that simply working and doing that is easy. It’s really not. Most couples that are married young, have children young, end up divorcing because of all the stress and so many other factors. Yes, some couples make it and that is wonderful, but the chances aren’t exactly on the couple’s side. I know, I’m being pessimistic, but from what I know, that’s how it tends to work. Now, a 20-something person and someone closer to, or in, their 30’s is not what I’m talking about, since that could go either way depending on various things; I’m focusing on people who could basically be high school sweethearts, since they’re both at the same point in their life and who aren’t mentally older. 

    Perhaps my pessimistic attitude is what keeps me giving off the ‘I’m putting myself out here’ vibe I apparently lack, or because the whole ‘settling down’ thing is no where in my short-term goals. If it happens in the short term, it does, if not, it doesn’t. I still won’t ever understand people’s want to do these things right away instead of waiting, considering how lifespans are longer than they were a hundred years ago, but if it’s what works for them, who am I to judge? But maybe one day I’ll understand exactly what putting yourself out there means and why people wish for things to be so soon. Maybe one day.