I’m feeling…hm, I don’t know how to explain it. Melancholy? Nostalgic? Don’t know. All I do know is that I’m feeling like crying. I’m not alone either; a friend, who I’ll call ‘B’ for ease’s sake, that I hung out with today was feeling the same way, too. Quite a few of my friends have the same plan as me, a few years of community college then off to a four year. Others are still sticking with community college for a bit longer but, for the most part, we’re all…moving on. Four year college or military for the most part. And most of these colleges are at least four hours away from our hometown, if not longer.

What my mind has wandered to is a group of friends of mine who I’ve known since seventh grade, a few girls, B included, who mean so very much to me. I happened to find an old scrapbook I tried keeping and so many silly little things, including a game a friend of mine and I made up. Not to mention my awkward middle school and up school IDs. I also found some old pictures that brought the memories rushing back to me. I’m going to share one, and I warn you, it’s from middle school…so to say we looked young and awkward is an understatement. B and I, besides wandering downtown after coffee and scones/muffins, then heading to the mall, were very much so reminiscing of how, a group of four of us used to wander a different, smaller mall. God, we were so…silly. But there was a photo booth and we used it a few times, and I have two little things from it.


Photo Booth EDIT

Yea, that’s one. Like I said, awkward children. Though, well, we’ve grown up since then, obviously. But it still brings back so many memories. B and another friend, who I’ll refer to as A, are both in the picture with me and there was another girl in our middle school group who I’ll call J. There was a lot of time killed at that mall. We’d run around, being silly children, and…well, do as children do. We thought we were so grown up, our parents letting us go to the mall so often on our own. It was just…freedom. We once tried playing hide and seek in Macy’s, not to mention we found out I could fit in a tote. And J had once brought a blow up swimming pool from the bottom shelf of Target and put it on the floor and sat in it. We were weird to say the least. But we had fun. I remember not really being the type to go out with friends before I met those three girls. J, though, was the most outgoing of us all, and she helped us all come out of our shells, really. A was more like me, and B, while shy, was more social more… Well, she was a lot like the smart, popular girl. Especially as she got older and into high school. Unfortunately A had ended up moving across the country and, I’ll admit, I haven’t kept in touch with her as much as I would like to, but it happens. Maybe I’ll try to soon, least Facebook can help that much.

But we grow up. Our groups of friends change, and I cannot count how many times in my life friends have moved on, as have I. But with these three, two now, it’s different. When A moved away freshman year of high school, I cried. I was going to miss her because, as I said, out of our group, she was most like me. And, now, I’m crying again for a whole other reason. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to be able to meet new people and all that, but I’m going to miss J and B. They impacted my life in a huge way. I can still remember J telling me on a chorus trip about how she was bi and about this girl she liked; I still remember Halloween, my last trick-or-treating Halloween, with B. We were dorks, each of us to the last drop, but we loved each other. And still do. Even if we don’t talk as much as we used to, when we do it’s like we never stopped.

So, yes, I’m feeling a bit sad because I know my friend set is about to go through some upheaval again and, as good as that is, I’m going to miss being close to these girls. It takes a lot for me to really, truly count somehow as a friend, but after so many years…how could I not count these two as them? But, well, we grew up. We grew up and now it’s time for us to grow out. We count as adults now, and we actually look like women instead of awkward children.

I think it’s starting to hit me that I’m leaving now. Next week I’ll be gone, and I can only hope that I’ll find new friends as wonderful as the ones I’m leaving behind.



3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ntdc
    Aug 11, 2014 @ 21:27:06

    nice blog, if a bit sad for the goodbye part. you look happy together, now and then. cute too 😛 and so young. whole life and world ahead of you! you can still find time for each other too and stay friends, no matter where life brings you, that works with the kind of friends you can pick up with 🙂



    • Deidre
      Aug 13, 2014 @ 01:56:21

      Cute, hm, if you say lol Thanks, though 🙂 *scratches out the ‘so’ in front of young* Unless you mean the first pic of course 😉
      I’m glad you liked the blog and all that. And, yes, just a matter of finding time and hoping for the best with that sort of thing, you’re right there 🙂



  2. ntdc
    Aug 16, 2014 @ 19:59:57

    writes another ‘so’ above the scratched out one… 😛



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