Anxiety

    I’m leaving on Thursday. 

    No matter how many times I say it to myself, it doesn’t make me feel better. Now, moving to North Carolina won’t be the furthest I’ve been from home, since I’ve been to Georgia for a class trip in middle school, but it’ll be the longest. And I still have plenty I need to do; like get some copies of stuff sent in for my refund/financial aid card so I can get my books, still need to finish my packing, need to have my dad look through my laptop to see if I might have a virus since my AVG does not want to update at all, and then other stuff that has my mind drawing a blank. Basically, I’m feeling…claustrophobic almost. I had to go out today and I really, really didn’t want to. I would have been perfectly fine staying at home. Tomorrow, like hell I’m going anywhere. If someone wants me out of the house, they’ll have to drag me kicking and screaming. Well, not literally, but I’ll be kicking and screaming in my head since this is all hitting me like a brick wall. I’m someone who can deal with things, just not too many things at one time. If someone tries to add something to something already stressful enough, I can get a little bit irritated. I know I have to do things, and when people point it out…I get antsy. But I’m going to finish pushing my stuff around in my room, finish packing, get my laptop looked over, and whatever else I have to do tomorrow. Probably I won’t sleep tomorrow night, and instead will play video games (Mass Effect, Assassin’s Creed, etc. pretty much whatever I can cram into a night) I’ll not be able to until my break in November; unless I end up getting my Xbox brought down, but I doubt I will since I don’t play it but so often. Of course I’m leaving at 3 or so Thursday morning to get to the school by eight for a really long day, but however.

    Of course, moving to a new college is supposedly one of the most stressful things, under death of family and such things like that. But I’m good with dealing with stress, to a certain point of course. Though I’m looking at the schedule for orientation and I’m already thinking of ducking out of the hiking and hiding in my room. Why? Because I’ll probably have hit my people limit by that moment. Since I’m doing the firsts program, I’m going to have some mentor lady as well as a Big, so what that equals to is people. I see myself needing to hide in my room a bit by the time that hike rolls around. I might mes around on my laptop a bit, but anyone who I’d bother through the media that is Second Life would probably not be on that time so…I’ll have to entertain myself some other way. I don’t know yet. Depends if I hit my people limit.

    But I am skipping the soccer thing for sure, so that’s another thing where I can do whatever in my room; and when people I like might actually be around, even.

    I know I’m supposed to expect this sort of thing, the anxiety, but I hate it. I hate feeling so…anxious. As it is, the only thing that brightened up my going outside today was finding some cute Wonder Woman themed nightgown and one of those older model Big Ben clocks, the ones with the bells on either side and such. I’m easily entertained, I know, but it helped, a little. I’m just panicking again now. I don’t think I’ll end up calling friends or family and begging them to come take me home, but the first few days are going to be…not fun. I can’t remember the last time I felt so nervous, not sure I ever have, but I know that my feeling like this will be a long gone memory soon. And I know this is something most people moving away from their hometown feel; panicky, anxious, etc. 

    I’d like to give some advice on how to overcome this kind of thing, but I’m not at that point yet. All I can think of is trying to not think on it and simply breathe, and, again, trying to not think on the whole ‘away’ thing. I’m a creature of habit, I like my routines, and change is hard on me sometimes. I need to be eased into it…and, yes, I’ve known of this since a long while, but it still feels like being dropped into icy water. 

    I’ll get over it soon, yes, but I don’t like it yet. Need to give it time, of course, but I have to wait for it. Right now, guess I’ll work on cleaning some more since doubt I’ll be sleeping soon. TV or music in the background while I work on it, hopefully I won’t start crying yet. Only plus is that I know there are others feeling the exact same way as me at the moment; for once I might actually count as normal.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ntdc
    Aug 21, 2014 @ 06:36:24

    breathe is good. and you´re on the right track with the ‘away’ thing being a major point: you should change your mindset on that: there is no ‘away’ for you now, but two ‘home’ which you´re moving forth and back between, or even add your home in sl as ‘home’,then you have 3! isn´t that great, 3 homes leaves much less space for aways in the worlds 😉 it´s just a few days, right, you know that and you´ll manage fine, once you´re there, there´ll be so much new things to see and learn and focus on that you won´t have time to be anxious and before you even know what happened, wonderwoman will be on holidays and playing on her x-box in her ‘other home’, with an oreo running around her in circles.

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    • Deidre
      Aug 22, 2014 @ 19:48:46

      Yea, you’ve certainly got a point there, helps that one home can go with me anywhere lol And, strangely, I’m already not feeling too bad, yet…will see if it hits me soon after orientation week is over 😛
      *grins* and that’s a lovely picture to imagine there, though I see Oreo more included to be laying all over me so I can’t move, wish he’d run in circles 😛

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