Vagina Relationships

I’ve been thinking a bit about this for some days now, after I had my first little meet-up thing for those in the Vagina Monologues show at my college.  Our first thing they asked us to ‘write down our relationship with our vagina’ and I drew a big blank, only ending up with a sentence roughly saying that it’s a part of me. Now, I wasn’t the only one blanking, but others had these stories. One wrote about her first period when she was young, some wrote about having been through a rather awful experience, some about how their still a virgin, some about masturbating…and then there were others like me with short things that basically said they had no idea what to write.

Personally, I’ve never though of that question and, now that i do, it’s mostly that the thing is a cause of worry for most of my life. First when I was panicking about how I was a really late bloomer, and now something else entirely I should get figured out to see if I need worry or not. Else, it’s more of a ‘eh, it’s there’ thing. Sure, it does stuff. Stuff every month, and it’s not immune to excitement, but still.

I figure most don’t think of this because of a few things; one being the ‘stigma of muttering the words vagina, cunt, pussy, etc. in public because women are sexualized and put on a purity pedestal and all that. But then there’s something that carries over all sexes: the hush hush of sex in general. People are getting better on that now, being more open and all, but there is a still this ‘you don’t talk about this to people’ way of thinking. My brother and I never had a sex talk with our parents. We learned everything from inferring, TV, books (me mostly), videogames (him mostly), and the internet. Not the most reliable sources, but still. And all that was learned in school was ‘don’t have sex. You’ll get pregnant or an STD. Abstinence is the only real protection. Not condoms’. And that, yes, was mostly aimed at us girls, not so much the guys. I still remember them saying that they mostly wanted all girls to take one of the robotic babies (cute baby doll things that cry loudly) home,and the boys could do it by choice. Makes sense, to a point. The only problem is, it more or less said guys shouldn’t worry and shouldn’t care about leaving a woman with a baby. I did it, I liked it, it didn’t throw me off of the idea of having sex or having a child, even though I know having one at any age before I’m done with college would throw me off a lot. And believe me, if someone got me pregnant, they would either be helping or paying child support.

In any case, sex was never taught. You got a video in elementary school about your puberty, if you were a girl, and guys got one about here’s and then, later, about girls. Girls never got a video about guy’s stuff. I learned that from various sources, some friends. I wish I was kidding.

But with sex being so quiet, it’s…almost like it’s a bad thing. Which it’s not, so long as it’s done right and you don’t feel bad about your choice. Though it’s taught like you shouldn’t do it. Ever. Why? Probably because, for so long, it was though sex was for married people and baby-making only, and also thought that women didn’t enjoy sex and only did it because they wanted kids. And then there was all the stuff with laws on how to have sex and everything that is, thankfully, null and void now. Of course, simply asking if someone likes men or women or both is also a no. When a friend was asking everyone at the table what they like the other day, I was thrown off. You don’t usually hear that from people, but she’s straightforward and was curious. So we answered, after a bit of confusion.

While sex itself isn’t quite ( and I use that word lightly) as stigmatized as in the past, female sexuality still has a bit to go. Yes, it’s more open now and people don’t immediately think ‘slut’ if a woman has sex with a new guy/girl every week. But it’s not something that is loudly boasted, like with guys. It’s still a bit of tweaking for people to realize that every human is a sexual creature. Sex feels good, if done right. Yes, that was originally for reproductive purposes, but now? Now we don’t need to breed as much. Actually, probably we don’t need to at all with all the children about waiting for adoption, but people still do because it’s nice to have your own child, of course. Though that’s assuming you like/want children, and I know plenty of women who want no babies at all.

I think, too, that we all should think of our relationship with our lower parts. Whether a penis, vagina, both, nothing, or what have you, think about it. We should all be more connected to that part of us, which has the ability to create life, even if just adding an ingredient and not carrying it, so to speak, and that can be a source of pleasure or irritation. Our brain plays a role in that, I know, but that doesn’t downplay the importance of our genitals. Our minds, our emotions, our personalities; all big parts, and that other part should be included int he talk, too.

My relationship with my own vagina isn’t much besides worry and, every month, inconvenience, which I should probably work on. But that’s how it stands right now. So, man, women, both, neither, take a minute to think, really think, about how you feel on the parts between your legs.

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