Memoirs of a College First Year #4

Right now I’m still coming down from a high spike of anxiety. My back and shoulders are less tense, but starting to get more to the sore part; my throat isn’t as dry and my voice is coming back; I am calming down. But I am still a bit frustrated. This could be something I write in my little journal and tuck it away, but it’s something that I’m thinking could be useful to others entering college/who haven’t’ had to deal with much stress during their college life.

I’m someone who doesn’t usually have to worry about workloads and multitasking, but this semester seems entirely different. I have a class with an extensive paper, another with some various writings spread throughout, a science project which shouldn’t be too too bad, and possibly writing a story in Spanish. Now, my issue is with the alter. I just need to pass this one language course, and then I am free, which is my sole reason for taking it. Otherwise, I have no interest in the language nor am I good at the writing and speaking portions. Another class that is offered has no paper, just work strewn throughout, and it also has a more lenient absence policy. Both teachers are apparently capable, but, unfortunately, I can’t wait to see how any tests are set up to make a final decisions. If I could see the tests, it would help a bit, but I also know that worrying about writing all those various things will hurt me. Apparently I have physical reactions to anxiety, something I did not know as anxiety, at least over work, is foreign to me.

The only reason I was upset, was due to my stubborn streak. My stubborn self was basically saying ‘no, you can’t quit. That’s giving up. Since when do you do that?’ while my logical half was pointing out that I should, of course, do what will allow me to pass and not be in pain. While the timing takes a bit from something that helps me relaxing, and something that allows me time with a friend, I like to think it’ll be better for me in the long run. My avoidance of painful course loads is really the only reason why I’m staying in undergraduate studies for four years; otherwise it would be three years and then I would move on. Doing a major and minor during three years is possible, but difficult considering the two that are my chosen fields of study. Psychology takes work as does business.

So, basically what I am getting at is to all you stubborn and/or overachievers: some times you just have to make compromises, even if it’s been grilled into you to not change a thing, to always hang in there and push through. Some times pushing through is more detrimental than helpful, while making a mild change is the most useful.

Though this isn’t me saying I would ever drop a course completely nor does it mean I’ll ever be the person to ask for help/money/etc., but it’s a start to being more flexible with some things considering how I usually am. Stubbornness can be useful, but, well, sometimes it be just as bad as some people like to claim.


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