I’ve come to some realizations about me, my life, and my future over the past couple years, most of them more recently found than others. I’ve come to accept that I may not get married or have children one day, but that my career is what I want the most and that marriage, or at least a ‘nonlegal’ marriage since marriage recognized by any legal system can take away more benefits than it can give (mostly monetary), is second but still sorely wanted as I crave companionship. I also have realized I might as well just admit some things to myself and fall full in. But I won’t yet because I’m stubborn and have issues. What I have realized, though, is that children aren’t a ‘need’ as some sort of long lasting relationship and career are. Yes, I want kids. Yes, I want to help children. But if it doesn’t happen? I’ll probably be sad and wonder ‘what if’, like with all things, but it won’t be something constantly at the forefront of my mind, only every now and then since I would intend to lead a full life anyhow. But, with that in mind, I’ve always known I have at least wanted to adopt one child of my hopeful two because 1) who wants to go through labor twice and 2) I want to help at least one child who lacks a family.

With this in the back of my mind, I had read something today that only briefly mentioned fostering due to it being relevant to the topic, but that had my think “Hey, if I don’t have kids, I could always foster some until they find a family.” And that sounds like a pretty good deal to me. When I’m better off, I won’t have to worry too much about the monetary cost of having children and fostering more or less would mean that the cost would be even less. I would make a difference in some kid’s life and, while it is vastly different from being a parent, I will still get at least a similar experience.

I still would like to have at least one child if fate would allow ti to be so, but if I can’t…there are other options. So if I can’t have a child because I have no one to have one with or if I am too old by that point that I physically cannot or some other reason, I could at least foster children. Like I said, I would so love to have one of my own little terror, but so long as I can help a child, not jsut with my hopeful career, I’ll be happy. So long as I can love and be loved by a child, I’ll be happy.

Yes, I know, ‘technically’ I shouldn’t worry about children or husbands at my age, I guess, but I like to know where I stand and to have all my ducks in a row before I do anything. So now I know that by the time I’m where I can have a family financially (unless something happens before then, because who knows) I won’t be to concerned with being legally married and I’ll be happy with foster children. Basically I won’t be too surprised if I end up with a really unorthodox family. But I’ll take it or a more ‘normal’ set up, because my heart will be filled with love in either case. More love than it already is.



I think I’ve mentioned before I don’t talk about certain things to certain people. Usually I’ll speak my mind, have a healthy debate, but then the other times… Well. I was looking facebook, as I do when I’m bored, and again I saw something that made me so very much want to say something. Not on facebook, because I don’t post my views on there, but call the person up and say ‘well, this is wrong.a misconception and…’. But I didn’t. I’m not going to. Why? Because I have unconditional love for the person who posted it, because he is my family and I do not want there to be any issue there. While I might be able to accept differing views and accept it as one’s opinion once they at least know what is true and what not, I don’t know how he would take it.

What I tend to do when it comes to my family or friends who might not take something so easily is that I hint at it, I give small things, but then I change the subject before it becomes a big thing. Just enough to make them think. When I go home I plan to do it as I can. At this point I have to say I’m rather glad I have seemed to have inherited my mom’s perspective more than my dad’s. As much as I love both, my dad is definitely more right than I am. While being more right is not bad in and of itself, some of his beliefs give me pause and make me hint things. The same goes for my brother. He is more right. And he posted something full of misconceptions. I love him, but I sorely want to to correct him. But sometimes things like religion and politics are best kept to oneself to circumvent tears in a family.

I am opinionated, but I don’t share my views openly for that reason alone. My views may be splashed across this blog, but the chances of anyone finding it who I don’t want to get in a debate about? Slim to none. I doubt any family or friends are googling me, so I’m safe. If it is found…I’ll cross that bridge when or if I get there.

But this still leads me to the fact that I am sorely worried about the state of the U.S. as of the moment. Why you ask? Because Trump may win. Because people are terrified of Muslims for no reason other than some terrorists were calling themselves Muslim. Because people stand behind someone who, while entitled to her opinion, did not do her GOVERNMENT job due to her religion. If she could not do her job, she should have quit. You work in a government agency, you quit or you just do your job. Even if not in a government agency, that’s how it works. Because religion and state are mixing more and more and more people call the U.S. a ‘Christian’ nation. Because if you diverge from a certain template, it is assumed you were not born here.

It is worse other places, yes, but this country is not what it was ‘meant’ to be, and not for the reasons some assume. It’s a scary thought. People can have whatever opinion they want, but please, just remember that the U.S. is not based solely on certain opinions and that your opinion may be misinformed (I know some of mine may be). Just keep some things in mind when you say certain things. It’s not being politically correct or sensitive, it’s simply being informed and caring about people like you care about yourself.

Random Ramble about Oddities

School has been going on for a couple weeks now, so I’ve been here for about a month probably. It’s nice to be back, nice to be living with my friends, nice to have our own bathroom, and just generally nice to be back in the swing of things. It’s been good besides the fact that I haven’t quite felt calm yet. More or less my mood has been low for on wards of a week, and I’ve been running around trying to get things together for one of the club on campus. The club thing is working out somewhat, but the rest…it’s getting there. It’s really just a matter of being reassured about some things and not worrying over things I logically shouldn’t worry about. But it’s getting there. It’ll take time for me to feel completely better, but soon hopefully.

Otherwise, the only thing of note i can think of is something I had read the other day about the difference between high school and college. What most kids in high school and down probably think college is..they’ll soon find it’s the exact opposite. Just looking at some of the first years has me shaking my head, if only because they seem to go out so often. How they manage that and work, I don’t know, but I feel as if that behavior will change soon enough. Either way, people probably think outfits matter, that sitting alone is horrible, that getting tutoring is bad, and that living in the library is sad. None of this is true in college, which is really strange, when you think about it. The level of fucks one give sin high school drastically drops when you reach a certain point in your first year of college. This is besides community college, of course, which has slightly different rules. From my experience with that, people didn’t care, but at the same time people did. It likely had to do with the fact you don’t live on campus and the types and difficulties of courses are altered. But with a four year institution…well, apparently during finals people have been known to camp out with a tent and all in my school’s library. So if that doesn’t tell you something, well…

I can’t say I personally know anyone who is starting college this year, but to everyone who is and has high expectations and isn’t going to a prep type of school: you’re in for some news. Especially when the level of caring drops year after year and you may end up walking around in PJs with a blanket and teddy bear to complete the outfit. Why? Because you can and no one else will bat an eye.

College is a weird time, but I assume it’s because everyone’s too focused on work to really concern themselves with the little things. Especially the part about eating alone since you might only have all of 20 minutes to eat before running to class or work. Of course some of these things may not help people see you as an adult (which I am still sour about the superintendent speaking at my brother’s graduation and insinuating that college students are not adults), we are. The only difference is we’re doing what we ‘have’ to do to make money in certain fields. Sure, everyone could go and try to start a business of some sort, but the chances of all of those succeeding is rather slim. Which leaves college or the armed forces.

This is mostly a random ramble about the strangeness of the world I’ve come to find myself in, but there it is anyway. Strange or not, I think it works.