A Day of Unease

Today has been a day ridden with anxiety and simply attempting to not burst into tears. I’ve been focusing on doing things that make me happy like talking  to people I like, petting a puppy (thanks friend who brought her new furbaby!), wearing my onesie, sleeping, being alone, and so on. As it is, I’m likely going to wear this onesie to class and see how that goes.

My level of care is rather low, especially considering I didn’t make it to one class I actually like today. I woke up late and decided I’d just go back to sleep and try again. Trying again didn’t make the day better.

I wish I didn’t feel things as intensely as I do. But I can’t change that. As it stands, anything sad hurts my heart but if it’s something that is relatively common (even though it shouldn’t be), I don’t burst into tears randomly. Deaths hurt my soul, but shootings and wars and such are relatively ‘normal’ at this point so I don’t cry outwardly. Inwardly is a different story.

Today, on the other hand, is a major election day as most of the world probably knows due to the fact there’s a loud, racist, sexist, horrible excuse for a human being running along with another not so great option because of the general shadiness around some things she has done. Wish the first viable option for a woman president in the U.S. would be better, but, well, she’s what we’ve got.

But what has me so upset and prone to tears is that the loud one has a chance at winning. I hate how close they polls are showing and I hate that I actually have to have a contingency plan where I move my moving plans a few years early. It hurts. Today has got to be the longest day in my life so far. Now I’m just going to wait and see and hope that tomorrow won’t be worse. Either way, no matter who wins, something will happen. Something bad will occur. I can just feel it.

I hate that this hurts so much, that all of this is a possibility.

Since I cannot do much at this point, having already voted and begged the universe to be kind, I’m going to mess around with games and such until time for class. I could go harass my friends, but I’m just so tired and with how upset I am I wouldn’t want to bring anyone else into my mood. So my onesie and I will spend some quality time together before I struggle through this one last class of the day.

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