Experiences

I figured I should something instead of just leaving shameless advertising up. (Btw, updated listings….looks better in real…custom order…father’s day is coming up >.>) Okay, now I’m done 😛

With the summer being here, my mind is drifting to different fantasies and things I wish to experience in life. Some are more ‘common’ than others, but I still like to imagine what certain things would be like. I know I have at least half experienced some things, but I have yet to be able to fully dive into a number of things. Having a taste of something is nice, but I would more enjoy the full experience even if it is only for a short time. As much as I love the idea of long term and steady with anything, I would take a full experience that is true and real but only lasts for a short while over never experiencing it in the first place. Some might want to say that’s a silly, naive thought, but it’s not. It’s just a thought attributed to the fact that I want to live. Even if I end up crying and hurt, fuck it. That’s living. I’ll take all the pain so long as I get the good with it, too.

The fantasies in my head rarely change, they’re usually the same with small variations. And the answer to a question of what I would do if I had all the money and time and possibilities in the world hasn’t changed either. What I want won’t happen, but I can still dream. And my dreams are vivid and beautiful and painful and full of joy and tears and everything. I am a realist, and often a pessimist as well, at heart, so I know things cannot be happy all the time and my dreams address that. If anything, my dreams involving those possibilities makes them so real that sometimes it hurts to think of how they aren’t actually real. Yet. One day…maybe one day I can manage to make one or two of them happen. Really I just hope to have one come true. I’ll take one out of many, so long as I don’t have to throw all of those lovely drifting dreams fade. If any one of them can be solid… I’ll be happy.

Untapped Potential

I know, another blog. But there’s so much on my mind recently, some that is only in my diary since it isn’t fit for world view granted, but still. Right now I’m thinking I need to wrap myself in bubble wrap so I don’t keep hurting myself, especially my knees. Yesterday and today have seen me falling and hurting myself; this is the third time my knees have been scrapped, my left worst because, apparently, that’s where my weight goes when I fall. Yea, fun.

See, I wouldn’t mind so much if I wasn’t having to close the library tonight and go up and down all the floors. Third most haunted school in the Piedmont Triad. That’s all I have to say on that subject.

And in line with the whole ghost thing is that I somehow got on the topic with my family last night about how, from my Dad’s side, we have this sort of…future-seeing dream-thing when we’re young. And then it sort of fades as we get older. I don’t want it to fade. I know it did for my Dad, probably for his parents if either of them had it, and I think it has for my brother, too. I know this might sound weird, but it’s true. I’m not sure if it’s because of a part of the brain that most people don’t use is used with us, or just because our brains work differently; since it is uncertain if humans in general use only part of their brain, or if brains just work differently, have different folding, different amounts of gray and white matter, etc. However it works, it is something that, if I lose it completely, will feel like losing a large part of me.

I haven’t had these sorts of dreams in a while, I still get strong deja vu, but that’s about it. I used to be able to tell people exactly how something was going to happen before it did. Now, now so much. And I hate that. It’s not just because I was ‘special’, but because it was part of me. My theory is more that I just don’t remember the dreams so well rather than I’ve lost this ability. So, what it comes down to is remembering my dreams, figuring out how to do that.

I know some of you may be thinking that I’m crazy, and if you want to think that, go ahead. But I’m not. I’m telling the truth on this. I don’t’ know how it works, or why it seems to travel from my Dad’s side; it just does. See, the thing is, there is a part of psychology that studies this exact thing. Granted they stuff all this under an umbrella term of ‘ESP’ (extrasensory perception). It’s a very small branch, and most people in any science field dismiss it because there isn’t enough ‘evidence’ of it, but it comforts em that there is a sort of field. I’m trying to hold on tot he small tendrils that still exist of what I could do, but, even if I lose it completely, I hope that anyone else who has/had some ‘other’ sense than the five we all know will be able to know the why and how someday. If enough study is done on it, who knows.

Most people do not like to believe in things they can’t see, or that people say they ‘used’ to be able to do; so I know I may not be counted as a reliable source. I just know I believe in untapped potential of the human brain. I know I believe that some people can do things others can’t, or that everyone can do strange things, they just don’t know how and it doesn’t come as naturally to them.

Life is weird. Human brains are weird. I figure we’re like icebergs; 10% seen, and 90% unseen. And with there being so much unknown, who is to say future-dreams or anything else is impossible?